Saturday, September 27, 2014

Hocus, Pocus, You Must FOCUS

There is an ongoing battle in my house right now between my children and myself. I'm trying my damndest to make my little people into responsible adults someday. I see that as the end goal. Things are not going so well these days.

School is in full swing, which means we're running a lot of the time. I actually keep the kids' extracurricular activities low in comparison, so it is not as bad as other families have. However, each one of my kids is having difficulty getting done what needs to be done. I am forever telling the kids what the plans are for the next day, what the plans are for the day, what time we're leaving, etc, etc, etc. The kids are preset for what we have to do and when we have to do it.

But then everything falls apart somehow. It is the givens, the constants that my kids can't keep up with. Like changing underwear, brushing teeth, eating breakfast. These are things that happen EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. and somehow my kids can't seem to do them without me asking, telling and then screaming at them. We're in a vicious cycle and I don't know how to get out of it.

It's only going to get worse when I start my new job this week and I'll no longer be here in the morning to put them on the bus. They are going to have to figure out what to wear, remember to change underwear and socks, brush teeth, brush hair, go to the bathroom (seriously, why do they not just do that?!?!?), pack snacks and lunches, eat, make sure their bags are packed, and dress appropriately for the weather. Writing it down, it sounds like a lot for a ten and seven year old, but these are the rote things we do every day. And these are the things that the kids don't do without excessive prompting.

My son has ADD. I get that. He's medicated on school days (another thing to remember!) but not on weekends. I can tell the difference. However, sometimes I think that we've provided him with a crutch to use and now he doesn't even have to try to remember things. He can remember something I said when he was four (we would go on a cruise), but can't remember that I told him to wear shorts because the temperature will be in the high 70's today. I will tell him specifically to do something and then he forgets and it becomes a big crisis. One in which I'm left scrambling to pick up the pieces (like when he leaves his current project in my car and he was planning on working on it when he was at his grandparents'.) Mistakes happen, I know. But sometimes I feel like he doesn't even try to be responsible for himself.

And my daughter is really giving me (us) a hard time right now. Her attention is so bad at home. I've sent an email to the teacher to ask how she is at school because I'm so concerned. But with her, it is hard to tell if she cannot stay focused long enough to follow directions or if she just doesn't give a shit. I think it is the latter. She's very strong willed and thinks she knows it all. As such, she feels she doesn't need to listen most of the time. We're having epic battles. She's seven. I don't know what I'm going to do with her.

I know my stress levels are through the roof because of a lot of reasons, but the new job is high on that list. I'll be working five days a week for the first time since I had kids. I don't know how that balance is going to work out. I need the kids to step up a little and it seems they're regressing. My son was almost hit by a car this morning as he ran recklessly through the parking lot at church. Every week, I tell him not to run and to pay attention and he just doesn't listen. He's generally not a super-impulsive kid, so I know he can control it. He's ten. I've been warning him not to run through parking lots for over eight years now. Why doesn't he get it? Will this experience be enough for him to remember the next time?

I know I need to let the kids' inattention and unwillingness to focus have consequences so they learn from their mistakes. I know that in the long run, this is how they will learn. On the other hand, I'm the one who has to deal with the fallout of their mistakes. Writing it down, I can see I need to let them fail. I am deluding myself into thinking that all of my harping will help them change their behavior. Obviously it hasn't worked so far.

1 comment:

  1. I just read this and thought, we are the same person. It's not just you and it's not just your kids, I promise.

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