Sunday, March 25, 2012

Important Lessons

In this day and age, we, as parents are so busy making sure that our kids are well rounded, uber-educated and excel in everything, that sometimes we don't have time to teach our kids the truly important things in life.  There are days where I am so busy going from point A to point B, while reviewing spelling words, working on a book report and beginning sight words that I forget to help my kids become worthwhile people.  Since I suffer terribly from Mommy ADHD (see this post), I thought I should write down the things that I really want my kids to know.

  1. You will have plenty of friends but only one mother.  This may make you hate me at times, since I am not cool like other kids' moms and I do not let you do what ever it is you want to do.  That is fine with me.  I am setting boundaries and guidelines because it is what's right.  It does not make me a cool parent, but it makes me a good parent.
  2. It will not be easy, but always do what is right.  This allows you to be honest to yourself.  There will be many times that it will be easiest to go with the flow.  Be true to yourself, and stand up for your values and principles.
  3. Everything in moderation.  This applies to relationships, hobbies, work and diet.
  4. Take the time to help others.  
  5. If you say you are going to do something, follow through and complete the task.
  6. Relationships are important.  Yes, you will get hurt.  Relationships are hard.  They take work.  Cutting yourself off may seem like the easy solution, but you are only hurting yourself (as well as your loved ones) by doing this.
  7. Dust can wait.  No one will sneak in and steal your mess.
  8. Doing a little bit at a time, a little everyday, will make any job easier to complete in the long run.
  9. Take a little time every now and again and do something for yourself.
I'm sure there is more, but it's all I can think of right now.  What advice would you give your kids to help them become good human beings?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

At the end of my rope

You know how when you're going along, and things seem all peachy, then WHAM!  You get hit and good and you can no longer tell up from down.  That's where I am now.

I'm having a crisis of career, which, in turn, is leading to a crisis of conscience.

I sooooooo want to quit my job right now.  However, this is not feasible.  On the first front, I am trying to justify to my husband why I can't work full time.  He just does not understand my need to be home at least some of the time for the kids.  So, being unemployed would not fly.  Secondly (sorry to admit this), but money. I certainly don't make tons, but I do contribute fairly to our household.  Thirdly, benefits.  In order to have health insurance, I have to work.

Those are the logistics about it from my end.

What is prompting this, you might ask.

I'm frustrated and feel impotent.  I keep getting handed situation after situation where someone did not or has not done what he or she was supposed to do.  However, I cannot solve the problems I keep getting handed.  It is up to the higher ups and the mucky-mucks to deal with these issues.  I'm even willing to provide some problem solving.  But, no one cares.  I am yelling into the wind.  But the issues are important.

I am so frustrated that I just want to throw in the towel.  I know no matter what I do, it will not make a difference and I am most likely just shooting myself in the foot.

So, I just want to run away.  Take the easy way out.  But that's not me.

It's giving me a headache, a stomach ache and is making my face more wrinkled (like that needs any more help!).

I have told many people that I am ready to walk away.  I just cannot deal with this any longer.  I'm not strong enough to withstand the constant pressure and expectations, especially when no one else seems to have any standards.

But then,  I went to visit a student, whom I had worked with a few years ago.  He, indeed has needs that are not being met, and I could help him. I immediately began addressing the issue with staff and the student, and reached out to the student's mother. I got to spend time with this student.  He is absolutely wonderful.  He is bright, and charming, and a beautiful person inside.  Spending time with him lifted my spirits.  He has that effect.  And as I pulled away from his school, I thought "HE is why I deal with all the shit."  I deal with all the shit so that kids like him can get a break in this world.  I still don't want to deal with it all, but I know that, at least for a little while longer, I will.

He is why I cannot walk away.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Things (in no particular order) that make me feel guilty:

  1. Eating onion rings (or fried food in general)
  2. Not wanting to go to church
  3. Wanting to read instead of cleaning
  4. Being at work when one of my kids has a school function
  5. Being home when there is more I could be doing for the kids at school
  6. Going shopping instead of taking care of the house
  7. Wanting to read instead of playing with the kids
  8. Knowing that I should be writing session notes or evals
  9. Wasting time on Facebook
  10. Not letting my kids have friends over because the house is a mess
  11. Not going to church
  12. Ordering take-out because I'm too tired to cook
  13. That it matters so much to me how I look
  14. Wanting to quit my job just because it's hard
  15. Reading really smutty novels
  16. Secretly wishing that good players on the opposite team would get hurt
  17. Throwing out cat food cans because they're hard to clean to recycle
  18. The fact that I love gossip
  19. Not using coupons because I haven't felt like cutting them
  20. Throwing out my kids' art work

That's it for now, but I'm sure there are many, many more things...